Your Nothing

Stricken, you find yourself again. The tight confinements of the bed you tremendously love, make your decent to the world of nothing, all too easy. Waking up warm and comfortable, you decide then and there, nothing is what you want. It's what you need.
You slowly arise to make your way to your TV, to your living room. Legs propped up to the sky, head in the dust, you sit on your long blue couch. The only motion you bring to your moments, are the thumb twitches to change the channel. Why do you do this? Why does this amuse you? Sitting unaware of the things you could be doing. Unaware of the ideas you are wasting. You give no thought to the world around you. You just lay trapped within the mind controlling images.
All alone you seek only solace. All alone you still seek the comfort of the quiet of being alone. You march to your room, stomping on quaking legs, just to be more alone than you already are. Why? It binds my confusion. Why aren't you finding more chances to almost die? Why not attempt to mend the life, you surely want to lose? These moments, these opportunities are there. They sit on your mantle and watch you sleep. They run by you as you sit in your chair. They laugh as they haunt your dreams. Why aren't you embracing family, taking it all in? Why aren't you finding what you want, love?
It pushes me to the edge of the edge. What's with you? You have the time, you have the ability to do something other than this nothing. It just forces my confusion into place. You just sit there, you just lay there, and nothing. Nothing but, TV and open silence, open thoughts.
Just go back to your bed you so love. Repeat your all too easy decent to the world of useless, the world of nothing. Let it take you away again. Let it waste more and more, over and over. Let it take over, let your actions make me sick of you.

Blind Ice

I cannot see, my mind's mechanics are stuck frozen onto, the thing in my mental grasp. The winter air, colder then ice, my eyes become goggles, I cannot see. No matter what this what this parrel may be, I must find my way again.
I cannot see, skin scarring, brisk wind, impairs my feeling, my sense of where I am. Every step brings torment and agony. My skin breaks and cracks, just like the ice I walk on. I start to stumble, my mind starts to tumble. I'm slowly dying.
I fall knowing it will be my last moment. The sky shatters, turning blue, turning grey, turning black again. I turn onto my stomach, I see a shadow, can it be? Another person? As though the earth mimics the sky, the ice shatters itself and pulls me in. The shadow is gone, I now sink, I cannot see.

Halloween

I find the dark frightening. Sky of coal black and winds of frosty furry. My heart races like a dog pulling a snow sled. I have one goal, one lone mindset. CANDY!!!!!
With my spiderman costume. I could last as long as my legs could take, and that was hours. The cold was no match for the warmth of my identity sealing mask. the mask was like fire ontop of water. Both the heat and the cold was felt.
By my first, tenth house, I hadn't lost a step. My long buff physique, complemented by the red and blue, suite I wore, made beating the other kids to the candy, every so easy.
Running to each house forcing my way to the front before the door opened, announcing my victories of number one. "I beat ya'll, HA!!!" My glory dances lasted all the way to the next house, where I would continue my plight of domination.

Photo

Looking onto the photo that marks a time too close to be called a memory. I view the image of my two young cousins embracing the love of a family that only knows how to show it. Victoria wrapped around my dad, relentlessly trying to shove the sweet tart candy down his throat, never letting the smile she held fall from the canvas that was her face.
In a family chain my cousin, Damica, embraces her husband, Rob, as he holds their son in his lap, keeping him up.
Excavating through my mind, I remember this night. Being weeks after my release from the depths of a binding embrace, my knee cried for the relief of high dosage pain killers. The struggle between it and attempting to subdue the wants of the young Ashley, who lays hidden with me and the ladder half of my family. Lying behind the frozen picture, only part of the story is revealed. The many people resemble, not the fair, but the result.
Coming back and embracing this past, I release the trapped memories hiding behind this one. Each seemed to exceed in date and importance. Ones that truly belong as memories, instead of this one.
Moments I've forgotten, are remembered through a photo. Why? I don't fear this question, time just moves on. It crams together every moment, trying to make sure to have every second locked away. In the end your brain makes every moment, the last one you had, only to be changed by a symbol.

Hi

Hi, I just wanted to say, you're beautiful. i just wanted you to know that when I see you I get excited, no matter what.
Hi, have you heard? No, the bird is not the word. I'm just interested in you, I like you.I find you to be the most amazing thing I've ever known.
Hey, you dropped this and don't worry I'll be there to pick you up when you're down too. At least If you let me.
Hey, how you doin'? That's great. Me? I'm tired. Why? Because I've been chasing you around in my head all night. Yeah it's weird, but I hold the most important things close to my heart. Ironically, that list only contains you.
Hola, to be honest, I only know ten other Spanish words then that one. Yes, just a few. Why? Because, why should I learn another language, when I can get to know you in this one?

Mind

My mind, filled with confusion, filled with desire, lust. I think and think, never having a repeating subject. Over and over my mind races with the feelings and thoughts of the past, present, and future. Why is it now that my stream of consciousness is ever flowing? Why not before? As lust grows, self control fades. As I grow happier, sadness fades. As I find tranquility in all that I've done, all doubt flies out of sight. This feeling, these feelings, I've never felt before.
Now what? It is all gone, what happened? Panic, is what I feel. Scared I loose the stream and fall into a storm. Hate and anger fills to the edge with anguish. I'm falling, struggling, I am lost. Every thought, every word, is a world of pain. It effects all and me. It spews from my seams and creases.

This Moment, This Day, This Very Second (Memories)

Landing on the bark, from my leap off  the old metal jungle gym, brought me justice from above. My discrepancy after the teacher yelled "freeze", landed me sitting on the hot brick wall. these years kept moving in the same direction. For the first time I felt my fist against a bony human face, it came and went faster than most things. Before I knew it I found myself sitting on a hot yellow dot, painted on the cement, only showing off my new deed.
Knowing that having too much fun comes with consequence, I didn't expect  finding myself under a playground covered in my own blood and tears. With a new crooked nose and thick scar, I seemed to gain more and more flaws.
From the time I shredded my knee on asphalt  to the times bloody fights brought me new friends. The moments after  sliding down a rock face with no shirt, finding that nothing was worse than bleeding from your side. Or, even, the moments my crazed stalker almost tore my arm off.
Every second that passed as I lay upside-down in a bush, hiding from the passing police car, I reminisced on my past adventures. The strain of my heart, brought thoughts of glorious soccer victories. Every second the lights flashed off of house windows, reminded me of the first time I saw leaves on a tree. The leaves, bright and green, moved in the wind revealing bits of the sun.
Now, this day, I fell into a hole of injury and haven't climbed out since. The day hope slipped through my fingers, was the first day of mortality, mortality I still feel. the potential of the past was lost by the present. I stand in the now, missing the past and fearing the future.