My mind, filled with confusion, filled with desire, lust. I think and think, never having a repeating subject. Over and over my mind races with the feelings and thoughts of the past, present, and future. Why is it now that my stream of consciousness is ever flowing? Why not before? As lust grows, self control fades. As I grow happier, sadness fades. As I find tranquility in all that I've done, all doubt flies out of sight. This feeling, these feelings, I've never felt before.
Now what? It is all gone, what happened? Panic, is what I feel. Scared I loose the stream and fall into a storm. Hate and anger fills to the edge with anguish. I'm falling, struggling, I am lost. Every thought, every word, is a world of pain. It effects all and me. It spews from my seams and creases.
Friday, September 23, 2011
Friday, September 16, 2011
This Moment, This Day, This Very Second (Memories)
Landing on the bark, from my leap off the old metal jungle gym, brought me justice from above. My discrepancy after the teacher yelled "freeze", landed me sitting on the hot brick wall. these years kept moving in the same direction. For the first time I felt my fist against a bony human face, it came and went faster than most things. Before I knew it I found myself sitting on a hot yellow dot, painted on the cement, only showing off my new deed.
Knowing that having too much fun comes with consequence, I didn't expect finding myself under a playground covered in my own blood and tears. With a new crooked nose and thick scar, I seemed to gain more and more flaws.
From the time I shredded my knee on asphalt to the times bloody fights brought me new friends. The moments after sliding down a rock face with no shirt, finding that nothing was worse than bleeding from your side. Or, even, the moments my crazed stalker almost tore my arm off.
Every second that passed as I lay upside-down in a bush, hiding from the passing police car, I reminisced on my past adventures. The strain of my heart, brought thoughts of glorious soccer victories. Every second the lights flashed off of house windows, reminded me of the first time I saw leaves on a tree. The leaves, bright and green, moved in the wind revealing bits of the sun.
Now, this day, I fell into a hole of injury and haven't climbed out since. The day hope slipped through my fingers, was the first day of mortality, mortality I still feel. the potential of the past was lost by the present. I stand in the now, missing the past and fearing the future.
Knowing that having too much fun comes with consequence, I didn't expect finding myself under a playground covered in my own blood and tears. With a new crooked nose and thick scar, I seemed to gain more and more flaws.
From the time I shredded my knee on asphalt to the times bloody fights brought me new friends. The moments after sliding down a rock face with no shirt, finding that nothing was worse than bleeding from your side. Or, even, the moments my crazed stalker almost tore my arm off.
Every second that passed as I lay upside-down in a bush, hiding from the passing police car, I reminisced on my past adventures. The strain of my heart, brought thoughts of glorious soccer victories. Every second the lights flashed off of house windows, reminded me of the first time I saw leaves on a tree. The leaves, bright and green, moved in the wind revealing bits of the sun.
Now, this day, I fell into a hole of injury and haven't climbed out since. The day hope slipped through my fingers, was the first day of mortality, mortality I still feel. the potential of the past was lost by the present. I stand in the now, missing the past and fearing the future.
Friday, September 2, 2011
Eyes Wide Open
It's hot, my shoes gradually heat to unbearable temperatures. In this heat I could hear the movement of feet and a burp from a longtime friend. I feel I can hear everything in the still. Every ant and every falling leaf, I can hear every movement.
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